A woman, I've determined, who can seperate love and sex and foster a relationship in the midst of a seperate sexual relationship are rare to non-existant.
Because women are not achieving orgasm, they become anti-sex. They are not willing to go into sex easily. They have to be bribed. Why should they be ready if they never achieve any deep bliss through it? Rather, they feel after it that the man has been using them. They feel like a thing which has been used and then discarded.
I have a talent for finding wonderfully intelligent women who are just not ready or willing to deal with and explore their potential sexuality. And this is a tragedy because it is these women who would most be able to enjoy and relish their sexuality to its full potential.
Everyone has one past significant other that makes such an impression that all others after are compared to them. You are her...
This is a post I threw up on a BB some time ago.
Ok, first off I feel the need to explain something to women (not out of perceived ignorance but because many of the women I've told this to actually seem to regard it as novel information they hadn't really realized before). Guys have a small organ called the seminal vesicle. Thats where sperm is stored after its manufactured in the testes. After awhile this "sac" gets full, a guy can most definitely feel the fullness, much like feeling full after eating. If it isn't released we get a wet dream. Before that happens our bodies realize this "thing" is full and it needs to be emptied. So our bodies make it so we can't focus on anything except "getting off" or to "get some pussy" as her coworker so eloquently put it. I don't think many women realize it is a pure physical need, no different than being hungry, needing to go to the bathroom, sneezing or any other biological function. So yes, in fact, it is a basic physical need.
(In regard to "and we can find a million excuses why men think they must have sex" and "I personally found this wrong because he said he needs it, like it is essential to his life.")
From conversations I've had I've gathered this lack of understanding might be a result of women's different reasons (mental, slightly hormonal) for craving sex and how much less their level is. For the most part, and of course there are exceptions. They just don't realize how prevalent and tenacious and physical the "need" is. Please give me some feedback on the this, I'd like to hear some about how female and male "horniness" is different in its manifestations
Second, (in regard to "I also think that it was not right for him to use that term,is that all he get out [of] having sex. What about making love and all those feelings you
get from sex")I just don't understand why women have such a hard time distinguishing between love and sex. They are two very different things. I find it very frustrating when women speak up with this "all or nothing" attitude. Yes, its better when you love the person dearly and emotions are
involved...but until you find that one person why not have fun with sex and learn about it and perfect your technique to better please "the one" when you find them? Let me point out that the technique part was directed to both sexes, both partners have equal opportunity to make sex great. Now, before my post is blasted let me throw in a disclaimer. I don't condone risky sexual behaviors, nor those that precipitate loss of confidence/self-esteem for either party. Sex is fine, for anyone, so long as it is safe (STD and pregnancy), consensual, the person is emotionally ready and it is FUN or enjoyable. Depending on your tastes fun and enjoyable can be an amazing assortment.
While on the subject I have to address virginity because I suppose I am advocating sex before marriage and sex outside a "stable relationship". Virginity from all I've read was instituted largely by the church many moons ago to do 2 things.
1- Ensure kids were not being born out of wedlock. Makes sense.
2- Ensure the woman is passed off from father to husband as "unused goods". This caused the whole "virginity as a gift" thing to arise. I don't understand why women covet that ideal so much. It basically says that they think the gift of their body is more important than the gift of their love and devotion. Women want men to covet their hearts and minds but they give them so easily, so it detracts from its significance. At the same time they make their body
quite possibly the hardest thing to get, thus making its significance much higher.
So, virginity until you're married is an outdated ideal strengthened and carried on largely by the church for no real reason. There is no logical reason to maintain your virginity until marriage. If you do it to please your husband by giving him this "gift", what does that say
about him? He didn't want you "spoiled" before he got his hands on you and continues the notion women are property. If you do it to avoid pregnancy or an STD you just aren't looking/trying hard enough for effective birth control ie. combination of condom (for STD) and being on the pill or some similar medication that prevents ovulation (for pregnancy).
I'm glad Bethany brought this up:
"I think that society sends the message to guys that sex is jsut sex. It doesn't have any
emotional bearing to it and that it doesn't matter how or why you get laid just as long as you
do....Men I think really need to get back to the emotional side of sex and realize that its more
than just getting off."
To a certain extent this is true. As a result of this you find guys who feel deep emotions for a
woman but because of the messages of society the only place they feel they can comfortably
express those emotions is while being intimate. I know for myself sex is an awesome way to
convey my deep feelings towards my love, so long as she realizes they are there. Sex isn't the
only way of course. But I don't have the "all or nothing" complex many do, sex can also be a
purely physical thing done only for pleasure. When combined they make for something very powerful
, which is nice but why make it a prerequisite? Why limit yourself to that point? Its being able
to distinguish between love and sex that would make for fewer headaches.
Jen brought up good points too. Some women are quite comfortable with their sexuality and are
willing to express it. I think (hope) as time goes on society will allow women to openly embrace
their sexuality and not be scorned for enjoying it as men do.